wow, before I clicked on that link I immediatley thought what a selfish person, but now after reading it I have so many mixed emotions.
First of all it takes a special/dedicated person to adopt a baby. It is not a decision you go into lightly.
No one knows the day to day of that woman's world, but it does seem like she really tried, even talking to her therapist.
However like they said in the article, adoption is not a rental. It should be viewed as permanent like your own biological children. YOu can't give one of them back when things get too hard.
She will have to live with that decision for the rest of her life. I just hope baby "D" will be adopted into a loving home that he and the family can bond with.
But I also think the child deserves to be with a family that will love him unconditionally.
Statistically he probably won't find that, as the adoption of older children is very slim..... not sure if he's been adopted or gone to foster care.
I know of someone who waited years and years to be able to adopt. A birth mother chose them. A few days after their son was born, he was diagnosed with a severe disorder (with mental retardation, behavioral probs, etc) and a few weeks later, she gave him up. She said she couldn't handle the behavioral problems when he got older........ fortunately the baby was adopted by a home that wanted a special needs child. It makes me so sick though. And she did get a healthy child a few months later, which makes me even sicker. I would not allow a child to be adopted by someone who had given up a child because of special needs. Ugh.
Back to the originally story - I have to wonder what kind of example she is setting towards her children........
Did you all not read the article and just read the question!? He is in a new home and is doing well with great parents who adopted another child with the same issues 2 years prior. The new mom is a psychologist. The adoptive parent transitioned him straight into this new family and didn't just put him into foster care. She went back and forth and agonized over it and is the hands of professionals for help with dealing with it correctly.
Personally, I think it is awesome she stepped forward and shared her story knowing she would get criticized. It should be permanant but this occasionally happens to biological mom's and dad's as well in which they leave and sign over rights. I think it's better to do all you can to make it right (like she did), than to just leave so I commend her. It's also better for the child to feel real love and connection than to be kept and feel that disconnect. It's a rare but hard situation in which they tried everything and felt they made the best decision for the child and their family. Who can judge them for caring and putting so much effort into it??
I think the reason God made pregnancy 9 months is to prepare mentally for a baby. Get excited, fall in love, etc. When you adopt, sometimes you get a call saying there is a baby available and you have no time to prepare! Some wait for a long time to adopt and when they get the call, may not be in a great place in their life to adopt, but go ahead with it because they don't know when the next chance will come. Also, once you have a baby and find they have a medical condition, you have a year or two to prepare for that since no babies can do anything on their own for a while. However, if you adopt an older child and THEN find out there are problems, you have no time to prepare mentally and go into overwhelmed I can't do this mode. Parenting is hard. No one can or should judge. Period.
Several reasons. Sharing real life stories are always awesome because God can work through them to bless others. She may get to know other mom's who are struggling with this and she can support them. Often times people give up because they don't feel anyone understands or supports them or they are made to feel they are crazy or something.
It doesn't say much about what all was going on in her and her husband's relationship, but him being gone a lot on tour sure doesn't help. I'm not sure I would have brought another child into the world when my husband is gone so much. People get themselves in situations without knowing all that can happen. This can happen to adoptive parents and even biological parents. Finding support, making sure your whole family is stable and aware this could happen and are all willing to make it work can only help this from occurring again, right?
when I was 16 my parents adopted a 8 year old little girl. things did not go as planned and it turned out to be a long hard road. My mother even gave her back once thinking that would be in the childs best interest because when angry would say hateful things to our family. It became very stressful on me. and even if you are trying to do the right thing I dont think that you should let the adopted child do evil things to your own child which was the case in our family. shortly after we took her back the second time my father passed away making my mothers life very hard to finsh rasing us and my sister used it to her advantage....my sister is now 22 has 3 children of her own who are all 3 years apart she is not married and has even tryed to break up my own marriage. She only calls when she needs money..We did not ask for this from her we really did the best we could but she just has always had the attiude that we were not her family or mom and that she was not going to have anything to do with us
Most of these questions are now submitted. Please feel free to submit your question and see how others feel. Email me here with a subject line of "Anonymous Truth"
9 comments:
wow, before I clicked on that link I immediatley thought what a selfish person, but now after reading it I have so many mixed emotions.
First of all it takes a special/dedicated person to adopt a baby. It is not a decision you go into lightly.
No one knows the day to day of that woman's world, but it does seem like she really tried, even talking to her therapist.
However like they said in the article, adoption is not a rental. It should be viewed as permanent like your own biological children. YOu can't give one of them back when things get too hard.
She will have to live with that decision for the rest of her life. I just hope baby "D" will be adopted into a loving home that he and the family can bond with.
I think it's tragic.
But I also think the child deserves to be with a family that will love him unconditionally.
Statistically he probably won't find that, as the adoption of older children is very slim..... not sure if he's been adopted or gone to foster care.
I know of someone who waited years and years to be able to adopt. A birth mother chose them. A few days after their son was born, he was diagnosed with a severe disorder (with mental retardation, behavioral probs, etc) and a few weeks later, she gave him up. She said she couldn't handle the behavioral problems when he got older........ fortunately the baby was adopted by a home that wanted a special needs child. It makes me so sick though. And she did get a healthy child a few months later, which makes me even sicker. I would not allow a child to be adopted by someone who had given up a child because of special needs. Ugh.
Back to the originally story - I have to wonder what kind of example she is setting towards her children........
It's very, very, very sad.
Would y'all feel the same way if the child was her own biological child?
I don't think I can pass judgment on her.
I have a biological child who challenges me on a near-daily basis. One could say that we "haven't bonded."
But I love him, and God gave him to me, and hopefully one day we'll have a happier relationship.
None of us have been promised a story-book life. But we seem to expect it, don't we?
It's too bad for this kid. He needs a good family.
Did you all not read the article and just read the question!? He is in a new home and is doing well with great parents who adopted another child with the same issues 2 years prior. The new mom is a psychologist. The adoptive parent transitioned him straight into this new family and didn't just put him into foster care. She went back and forth and agonized over it and is the hands of professionals for help with dealing with it correctly.
Personally, I think it is awesome she stepped forward and shared her story knowing she would get criticized. It should be permanant but this occasionally happens to biological mom's and dad's as well in which they leave and sign over rights. I think it's better to do all you can to make it right (like she did), than to just leave so I commend her. It's also better for the child to feel real love and connection than to be kept and feel that disconnect. It's a rare but hard situation in which they tried everything and felt they made the best decision for the child and their family. Who can judge them for caring and putting so much effort into it??
I think the reason God made pregnancy 9 months is to prepare mentally for a baby. Get excited, fall in love, etc. When you adopt, sometimes you get a call saying there is a baby available and you have no time to prepare! Some wait for a long time to adopt and when they get the call, may not be in a great place in their life to adopt, but go ahead with it because they don't know when the next chance will come. Also, once you have a baby and find they have a medical condition, you have a year or two to prepare for that since no babies can do anything on their own for a while. However, if you adopt an older child and THEN find out there are problems, you have no time to prepare mentally and go into overwhelmed I can't do this mode. Parenting is hard. No one can or should judge. Period.
Personally, I think it is awesome she stepped forward and shared her story knowing she would get criticized.
I must ask, why? So other parents will get ideas to do this? z
Several reasons. Sharing real life stories are always awesome because God can work through them to bless others. She may get to know other mom's who are struggling with this and she can support them. Often times people give up because they don't feel anyone understands or supports them or they are made to feel they are crazy or something.
It doesn't say much about what all was going on in her and her husband's relationship, but him being gone a lot on tour sure doesn't help. I'm not sure I would have brought another child into the world when my husband is gone so much. People get themselves in situations without knowing all that can happen. This can happen to adoptive parents and even biological parents. Finding support, making sure your whole family is stable and aware this could happen and are all willing to make it work can only help this from occurring again, right?
when I was 16 my parents adopted a 8 year old little girl. things did not go as planned and it turned out to be a long hard road. My mother even gave her back once thinking that would be in the childs best interest because when angry would say hateful things to our family. It became very stressful on me. and even if you are trying to do the right thing I dont think that you should let the adopted child do evil things to your own child which was the case in our family. shortly after we took her back the second time my father passed away making my mothers life very hard to finsh rasing us and my sister used it to her advantage....my sister is now 22 has 3 children of her own who are all 3 years apart she is not married and has even tryed to break up my own marriage. She only calls when she needs money..We did not ask for this from her we really did the best we could but she just has always had the attiude that we were not her family or mom and that she was not going to have anything to do with us
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