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This is an experiment to see how honest people can be if they don't have to identify themselves. Some silly, some deep, but all require honesty.
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119 comments:
What are your thoughts on stay at home moms vs. kids in daycare or raised by another relative while mom is at work?
I know some people have to work, but geesh! Why do people even have children if they are just going to pawn them off on someone else to raise. Do you not want to see them take their first steps and say their first words or learn something new?
I have stayed at home since our first was born and have never been able to understand how a mother can leave their kids and go to work. Cut back on things and stay at home with them.
Some may claim it makes them a better parent, I'm sorry you had them in the first place if you can't be around them for very long before you're sick of them.
I also understand that there are situations (such as single mom, one disabled parent) where they have no choice but to send their kids to daycare while they work. In that situation, you gotta do what you gotta do, and I think your kids will be okay.
HOWEVER, I personally would go on welfare, even live with my parents if necessary (and my parents and I don't have that great of a relationship) before putting my kids in daycare.
I was worked in daycare centers - even some "elite" ones - and TRUST ME- daycares are not happy places.
I hate it when I hear people say "they kids need to socialize". UM, you can do playgroups, go to the playground alot, mommy 'nme classes, etc etc etc instead. That is HORRIBLE that people put their kids in daycare so "they can socialize."
I don't like the "it makes them a better parent" baloney either. The only sitatuion I could remotely understand is if they had serious mental health issues and were afraid of harming their kids if they were left alone. (I have heard of someone doing that, she was afraid to be alone with her kids without her husband around. She has severe post partum depression.)
I also hate it people say they "can't afford" it, yet they live in NICE BIG HOUSE, drive BRAND NEW cars, have cable, cell phones, designer clothing, eat out alot etc. I would live in a trailer and have only 1 car if necessary before putting my kids in daycare!!!
7:42 here again - I don't think that putting them in daycare is the same as being raised by another relative. I personally am okay with a loving and nurturing and safe grandma, aunt, or other relative taking care of them. I think I am okay with that......
Now wait a minute....just because you work does not mean you are going to miss your child's first word or miss seeing them take their first step. But I agree, you might miss things because you are at work.
My mom had three kiddos, and worked. She's a teacher. My mom taught at our school. Most years we rode to school with my mom, and stayed after school with her.
My example of this issue is my mom. She did a fine job at working and raising her girls. I think this is one of those issues that each family has to see what works for them. I'm sorry 7:13 is so close minded. In my office there are women who work part time, and that seems to work for their families. They are still making money, receiving insurance, and able to spend time with their kids.
I thank God everyday that I am able to be at home at least some of the time. i have to contribute to our income it's that simple. I don't judge anyone for their decisions, I am fairly confident that most people want the very best for their families.
I would be devestated if I had to put my kids in daycare, praise God I don't have to. However, if I had no choice I would do it.
7:45, you were in school and saw your mom, you were older! You can't say that your mom caught all of your major milestones in between working 40 hours a week? I was a nanny for many years and I got to see what all the workaholic moms were missing! It was sad. If you work part time that is one thing, even working up to 40 hours a week, but I am talking about the question she asked.. 'raised by another relative' or in daycare- all the time. After being a nanny I decided to open a small daycare instead. I couldn't believe how many moms (7)would drop their kids off at 6am when I open and not pick them up until 6:30 when I was trying to close. They would do that 5 days a week and want to know if I'd take them on Sat too bc they hadn't had any time for themselves all week! Ugh!! I get sick of people having kids and pawning them off on others. I'm 7:13. I am not totally against moms who work!
When you are a single mom you do need to work, when your husband isn't providing fully for the family or you are running low (holiday time) and need extra income. There are reasons but to work just bc or to keep your place in the work place, etc, I don't get that.
To 7:42- you would go on welfare to stay at home with them? Isn't that the case where you should go to work! To ensure your kids food and basics?
7:44- Agree on the family member comment!
To each his own. Whatever works for your family.
The only thing that makes you a good mom is doing what God has asked you to do.
To 8:00 from 7:44 -
Yest I would DEFINITELY go on welfare before putting my kids in daycare if necessary. I would be able to provide for them because of the welfare. Now if welfare went bye-bye, I would work..........
If we absolutely had no income, I would search for every possible option to make sure my children didn't have to go through what daycare kids do.
Mom's who have kids should stay home with them. period. Not Grandma or a minimum wage worker should be raising them. I think this has sadly infiltrated the church as okay behavior. Unless there are extreme circumstances (and I am talking extreme, not that you want a brand new car), don't have kids if you can stay home with them and raise them yourself. Do everything in your power to cut down on your lifestyle to afford it. Dr. Laura (www.drlaura.com) is a big supporter of SAHMs, she has a lot of good information about staying at home.
I also don't buy the "daycare is great socialization", whatever, how much socialization does a 6 week old need??!?!?
So, 8:27, if your daughter in law decided to work, and wanted you take care of the kiddos, you wouldn't agree to that?
I'd be THRILLED to be a stay-at-home grandma! I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving kids with grandma or a trusted relative.
8:27 here, no, I would NOT agree to raising my grandchildren if my daughter just decided to work because she wanted to. If there were EXTREME circumstances, I would go to work MYSELF and send and give my paycheck to her and the grandchildren, so she can stay at home with her children. Why would I want to rob her of raising her own children???
And a side note, I am hoping my children see the importance of me staying at home and choose a wife who see's how important it is that she stays at home with her children.
People who use daycare or leave their children w/someone should not be judged. We all have our own story and do what is best for our situation. I never had to leave mine but let's not go overboard. No one knows what the future holds - with people losing their jobs right and left. Who says you have all the answers......
9:42...AMEN.
Wow! Some of you SAHM are hard core and unforgiving.
I hope you are given more grace than you are giving.
I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly hurtful and sickening these comments are. I work because my husband does not make enough to support our family alone. I don't drive fancy cars or all the other crap you mentioned. I feel that being a responsible parent is doing the best you can for your family. I don't judge ANYONE for the choices they make for their particular situation. Do you have any idea the hurt and judgment you are inflicting on mothers reading this post? You should count yourself lucky and the way the economy is going you may find yourself back at work and you will wish you had been a little more compassionate. I certainly hope that since you are the primary person interacting with your child you are teaching them more compassion and love than you have demonstrated here.
Seriously! It's great that you have your opinions and thoughts, but come on. As it's been said previously, "to each his own".
To 8:00- my mom was not a single mom. My dad worked as well.
Comments like these are the reason why being a working mom is so difficult. People are rude and judgmental. Some of you who stay home assume that those of us who work LOVE that we don’t get to see our kids, that we’re pawning them off, that we’re FREE all day from our kids….no worries! YOU’RE WRONG!!!!!! I have worked since my oldest was born. My husband was in the midst of trying to find what he could do and wanted to do to provide for our family. He was finishing college, he got a job and we struggled. I worked. Some days I cried until until lunch because I missed my baby so much. (I am tearing up thinking about those days.) It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever. It’s still hard even after all these years, and I am just now getting to the point where I could possibly work part time. I will do that when I can.
I have been blessed to have Christian woman watch my kids for me in their homes, God is good and He provides. Never judge someone’s situation. My children are well adjusted and loved and know why I work, we talk about it all the time.
As for 7:13 & 7:42. I pray that I don’t know you personally, and it makes me sick to think there’s a possibility I do know you. You’re comments are rude and the things you say bring other people down. (Just your comments alone made me want to cry.) Your comments are negative and judgmental, and I am sure your children hear things like that every day. (Lucky them!!) You don’t know peoples situations. You only know what works for you! Don’t judge those of us who do work hard to help provide for our families. Oh…and another thing, THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. Your words are hurtful, but from the sounds of it you don’t care. I do everything you do!!! I’m a wonderful mom, I provide for my kids, I play with them, love them more than anything, and nurture them. I volunteer, I help at their schools, I teach bible class, I do it ALL…. I just happen to work 40 hours a week outside the home on top of all that. You wouldn’t make it a day in my shoes, I promise you that!
I perfer to stay at home with my children, but I do not judge anyone for NOT staying home with their children.
Those that work outside the home are NOT less of a mother or more of a mother. SAHMs are not better mothers or worse mothers.
I think you deal with the cards you are dealt and you follow peace.
It is crazy to want everyone to "be like us" or "have the life we have". Our uniqueness and differences are what make the world go round. It is what makes this world work.
If every mom stayed home we wouldn't have so many great techers. We wouldn't have our female hair dresser or massage therpist. We wouldn't have the awesome lady at the bank. Men would be doing EVERYTHING outside of the home.
Instead of being judgemental about why someone works or doesn't work, put yourself in their shoes and ask God how you could minister His love to them. Cook a meal for the working mom's family. Clean the working mom's house. Offer to keep the SAHMs kids on a Saturday morning so she can have time for herself.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side and everyone can use some encouragement.
I'm a stay at home mom and I would like some of you to know that I just had a friend who works call me in tears because of some of the earlier comments. You hurt her so deeply. I hope when you sit in your pews on Sunday and pretend to be so Christ like you are okay with that.
10:35- I'm sorry your friend was hurt. Hopefully, this will be a lesson that our words do hurt.
To those of you saying you would go on welfare before you put your kid in daycare, welfare exists because men and WOMEN go to work. Going on welfare instead of working does not set a good example for your kids.
To those of you saying you're sorry the working moms had kids in the first place, how dare you! How dare you say who can and can't have kids.
I am a stay at home mom, but I have been offended by the judgemental comments from my peers (other stay at home moms).
I think there are working moms who are AWESOME moms and I think there are awesome stay at home moms too. I also think there are AWFUL stay at home moms and some awful working moms.
You need to do what is in the best interest of your family. Only the people within a family can truly know what is best for that family.
On a side note, I really hope that the people with the closed minds and judgemental attitudes aren't my kids Bible class teachers! YIKES!!
Yikes. SOMEone stirred the hornets this morning.
Look: Just because a mother works doesn't meant she's going to miss ANYTHING. It's not like she goes to work when her kids are still asleep, and gets home after they're in bed. We both work, and have since our oldest was two. What did we miss? Not a thing. We work while our kids are at school. They're gone, so we can be gone. We pick them up after school, and then we have all afternoon, what amounts to about half a day, to play and read and BE PARENTS.
If we're going to be absolutely Biblical on this, the directives about who raises children are all aimed at ... wait for it ... the FATHERS. So, any stay-at-home dads wanna chime in? 'Cuz all you guys who have forsaken your families so you can go work could be violating God's command because YOU'RE gone so much. I mean, if you want to get Biblical about this.
Otherwise all you screaming rabid SAHMs need to realize you're imposing relatively new and arbitrary and TEMPORARY cultural norms on people who should have perfect freedom to choose what they think is best for their families without fear of being judged by someone acting holier-than-thou.
Just share God's love. Don't judge.
I think that it's so hard to put yourself in another's position and so easy to judge.
I'm a stay at home mom and there are days that I really wish I worked outside the home if only for a "break". However if I seriously think about not being home for my daughter I get sick to my stomach.
Everyone is different and has different situations. In the end I think if you are doing what is best for your family, you're doing the right thing.
DID NO ONE READ MY COMMENT AT 10:25???
7:42 and 7:44 here - I was referring to kids under the age of 4. I don't think there is anything wrong with a mom working full time if she has school age kids.
MEAN PEOPLE SUCK.
and if there is not divine intervention, produce mean children!
I am not the poster everyone is attacking, but I would just like to say, I SAH and ya'll are kind of making all SAHMs to be judgemental jerks. I can see where 7:42 is coming from and I don't think she is out to make people cry. I do believe she makes valid points and feel passionately about something she believes is right, so withdraw the claws ladies. Why can't we have a discussion without everyone yelling at everyone calling them Judgemental if they don't agree with them!?
NO ONE said that all SAHM mom's are jerks; on the contrary, I would like to personally thank a few of them for saying some really sweet things in response to this question. But if you write something so rude and hurtful then you should be prepared for the response. I won't be reading this blog again, because if that's what people think of me for working then I don't really want to be friends with those people.
If anyone here wants to work at home, there are legit work at home jobs out there. Try www.liveops.com or www.westathome.com. You can work during naptime, in the evenings, etc.
Wow, your kids are so lucky to have such wonderful and understanding parents to stay at home with them all day! I'm not coming back to this blog, because all it does is make people feel bad and ruins their day. You made my friend cry and feel bad about herself. I think you should all think about how your words are affecting people. Everyone is just trying to do what's best for their family.
I agree with 10:25. I think that the passion a SAHM has about staying at home might better serve working moms if she prepared a meal for a single parent family or family with both parents employed outside the home.
I am employed outside the home, and I still have to fulfill the SAHM duties when I get home. I'm not complaining about this, because I love my life, and I feel incredibly blessed to be walking in these shoes. But I do get weary sometimes because of all the responsibilities on my plate. If a SAHM randomly brought me a meal--or even a Sonic drink--just to offer an expression of love and support, that action would speak volumes above what has been said on this blog today.
Love the idea!
Make that a cherry limeade with extra real cherris!
I quit this blog once too, back during the political talk, but then I came back because my husband was talking about some posts. :)
I am not going to quit this blog. I am going to do my best to encourage.
To those of you who feel you HAVE TO work..... just curious: 1. Do you have 2 cars? 2. Do you own a home? 3. Do you buy new clothes, go out to eat etc all the time?
You can rent an apt for less for 500 bucks, utilities included in OKC.. no, not the nicest place, but it could be temporary until the kids are in school. You gotta do what you gotta do!
I don't think its wrong for these people to speak up on what they feel is important for children.
I am for one sorry if I offended any working moms. I do feel like a mothers place is at home w her kiddos. If that's not possible you shouldn't be judged for it! Don't stop reading... Encourage others to see your side. I'm sure some will understand and those that don't are just rude and inconsiderate!
we are all intitled to our opinions, but we should keep in mind that written posts always sound harsher that we may have intended. everyone here is a precious person to God and we should all be respectful of other's circumstances.
1:06- You can rent an apt for less for 500 bucks, utilities included in OKC.. no, not the nicest place, but it could be temporary until the kids are in school.
I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but I have one question for you. What do I do when the kids go to school? Do I move out of the 'not nicest place' so my kids go to a better school? If so, how will my husband and I afford the nicer place, which is near the "better" school system? How will be buy our kid/kids school supplies? Ok, so one question turned into three. :) But these are a few of the reasons why I work.
I enjoy this blog. I think it's great that we are able to speak so freely and agree/disagree on each issue.
I think working part time is the best of both worlds. The mom gets to take a breath and still spend a lot of time at home. Unfortunately not every one can do that. I would like to know if the people who are suggesting that we should live in poverty instead of work are doing so. If not, maybe you should just count your blessings.
Responding to 2:03:
I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but I have one question for you. What do I do when the kids go to school?
I think you can go back to work then. Full time or part time. I'm not against older children having dual working parents. I would prefer they are taken care of by a relative or trusted friend in the evenings, summer and school holidays if possible.
Do I move out of the 'not nicest place' so my kids go to a better school?
You haven't even met the kids that your child would go to school with yet!!!!!!!!!!! Don't prejudge them just because they don't live in a nice area. Just because they are not rich, are not white, come from a different socioeconomic background or whatever does not make them bad kiddos!
If you determined though, that the school was not safe later on, you could move somewhere else! I recommend finding a new job (yes they are out there) in a small town where the cost of living is low but the schools are okay. If you or your husbands jobs are only found in cities, your husband could commute if necessary.
If so, how will my husband and I afford the nicer place, which is near the "better" school system?
You don't have to move just yet. Give the school a chance.
How will be buy our kid/kids school supplies?
You can either budget wisely, or consider trying to make some extra money by pet-sitting, baby-sitting, running errands for older people, finding a job online (go to wahm.com). Or if absolutely necessary, there are welfare programs available to help low income families with school supplies.
Ok, so one question turned into three. :) But these are a few of the reasons why I work.
I'm sorry if I am offended you. With all due respect, if you really, truly want to stay home you could do it. You don't have to live in Oklahoma City. You could move to another state where the cost of living is low, and perhaps even a better job for your husband. You could maybe watch other kids at home for extra income.
If you truly want to stay home you can do it!
If you don't, and feel you're a better parent by working, that's okay. This is just my opinion :)
You know what I'm for? I'm for a woman having a choice. I think if she wants to work, she should be able to do that. I think if she wants to stay home, that's great too.
It's funny that, as moms (and I'm assuming most of you are, like me) we can't come together to solve real issues like predators in our neighborhoods, health care for our children and education. Instead, we are too focused on how high up you are on the "mommy ladder." Did you have a natural child birth? Did you breastfeed? Are you going to home school? All of these things and more we use to judge each other instead of leaning on each other in difficult times.
I would venture to say none of us perfect parents. Whether we stay at home with our babies or not.
I have to agree with 2:20 about the school issue. I don't like prejudicial behavior.
I like your thinking 2:20!
How can someone who believes that being a SAHM is best WATCH OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS FOR MONEY with a clear conscience??!!
That seems hypocritical. Does anybody else see that??
Are you judging the people whose money you take?? I guess not enough to not take their check!!HOLY COW!!
Thank you 2:20. Women are horrible to other women. Let's be horrible to the men for a change. Just kidding:)
The 7:42 / 2:20 girl here again:
If you are married and absolutely HAD to work, you could work opposite schedules of your husband. He could work during the day and you could work at night.
I would be the french fry girl at Burger King in the evenings before putting my kid in daycare. Just my own opinion. :) Of course, not all marriages could handle that kind of working schedule, but that's how I feel :)
So you want your own daughters to stay at home, and you expect your future daughter-in-law to stay at home as well?
Years agao, before my husband and I were married, his mom asked me about my views about domesticity. I know now that she thought she was looking out for the best interest of her son, and that she was trying to get to know me, too. But that was really a horrible way to get our relationship started.
How will you treat your future children-in-law? It sounds like for many of you, that is a loooong way off. Please CAREFULLY consider how you will interact with your kids' choices for their mates.
>So you want your own daughters to stay at home, and you expect your future daughter-in-law to stay at home as well?<
Yes, if they choose to get married and have a family than yes, I want my grandchildren raised by their mother. Why is that a bad thing? I think it is great when little girls aspire to be a mommy!
I never said it is wrong to aspire to be a mommy.
It's fine if that is what THEY want. But knowing that you impose that on them is sad. What if your daughter were to be the one to figure out the cure for cancer? Or to work full-time for God?
I can not believe the same person posted at 7:42 and 2:20.
One so hateful and one that makes perfect sense.
Wow!
Ohhhh...I see there are TWO 2:20 posts.
I was praising the one that talked about getting along and the mommy ladder. Not the one defending her really harsh words earlier.
Ditto, 2:38. Good comment.
I was thinking along thses lines as well -- if you're a nanny, how can you be critical of the very parents whose money you take enabling them to do the very thing you despise them for?
Two words: Hypo. Crite.
Ummm... can I still get that cherry limeade??
3:07 here, this is for 3:12 >But knowing that you impose that on them is sad. < What are you talking about?!?! Where did I say "I am forcing them to stay home or else!"? I said if they CHOOSE to get married and have a family. If they want to be a doctor, great, a teacher, great, whatever. Before you angrily start typing, yes, I believe you can be married and a teacher at the same time. I said if they choose to have children. I hope they see the importance of raising their own children from the example of me staying home with them and will want to do the same for their kids. After they have raised their children, then they can go back to saving the world. Go ahead, yell at me now.
I think moms who work are just as good as moms who don't- if they have the right motives which is putting their family first. There are some SAHM with the wrong motives too...like it is a status symbol to say you are a SAHM. Just do what is best for your family and own it. If you are crying over these comments, I am sorry that these people have spoken so judgmentally. I also think that means you may have some guilty feelings. You SHOULDN'T feel guilty at all- just like you shouldn't be made to feel guilty if you give your baby formula instead of breastfeed. If you are striving to be a Godly mother, than God will be pleased even if the people you worship with aren't.
Also-I think it is kind of harsh to say "move to another state" so that you can stay home. If you are moving some place that the cost of living is lower, the average income will be lower too most likely. So that isn't a good argument. In this economy, we should all be thankful for incomes-whether we earn them or our spouse does.
And I do think there are wonderful Christian daycares- in home or otherwise!
And one last thing, I think your kids would learn a better work ethic if you went back to work as opposed to getting welfare. I don't think welfare is a system that Christian people should rely on.
Whew...that is my two cents.
We need annoymous screen names or something, it is hard keep up with who said what and who is talking to who.
To 3:17 and 2:38:
If you look at my very first post of the day 7:42 am, you will see that I started off by saying there are situations where parents have no choice, such as a single mom, etc.
I don't think its wrong for someone to watch a single moms kids at all!!!
I'm not a hypocrite, I'm giving examples on how to earn extra income.
Okay 3:26. Whatever. I am glad i am not your daughter-in-law, and I am sure that you are glad I am not your daughter or daughter-in-law as well.
So you are only forcing them to stay home (your words) if they have kids? That's still imposing your will on them. Lame. Unloving. VERY EGOCENTRIC. (Your way is the only way.)
Has anyone here actually been inside a daycare and spent alot of time there? Truthfully? If you had you would not be for putting your kids in daycare at all.
I used to have to inspect daycares as part of my old job (pre-kids), the staff were overworked, underpaid, yelled at the kids, treated them like dirt half the time.....
I guess this is kind of like the abortion topic........ its not about the best interest of the Mom's rights, it's about what's best for the children, you know.
I have no probably with mom's working.
It's leaving them in daycare situations that I have a problem with. I guess because I've been in way too many of them. Maybe if I had never been in much of them, I wouldn't feel this way.........
3:45
Still seems hypocritical.
And sad that you are willing to judge anybody.
And I am judging you for being judgmental.
3:26 here for 3:49, what the heck are you talking about?? Why are you shoving words in my mouth? I personally think I am very blessed to have my daughters and don't treat them like crap like you would hope I do and I think they are blessed to have me, a mom who doesn't put them in daycare and loves them very much. Okay, go back to yelling at me. :)
Okay, I just want to sincerely apologize for offending you. I'm the 7:42 am etc poster.
I have seen what goes on behind doors in daycares, and that's why I this is so sensitive for me and why I feel so passionately about this.
Yep, I would go on welfare, food stamps whatever to stay home.
Just like if I needed to I would put my kids on medicaid if she had cancer and we couldn't pay for it.
I guess I'm selfish.
I always find it funny that many stay at home moms make money by selling things to working moms with extra income. Ironic huh? Maybe you should thank a working mom for helping you get to stay home instead of trashing her.
About daycare.
Any decent parent is going to inspect a daycare facility, hang out there, observe, etc. to see what the place is like. And any decent daycare facility is going to welcome such scrutiny. Not all daycares are awful places. Most are good. They fill a much-needed niche. Not an ideal one, but a much-needed one.
This is a hot-button topic, obviously. Everyone thinks their right. We all feel some guilt about certain things. We all feel some superiority about some other things. We're all -- I trust -- doing what we think is best for our families, whatever your standard is, Christian or non-christian.
I just think it's really interesting the hills that some people are willing to die to defend.
Oh, and my anonymous screen name is now "Tinky-Winky." I thought having anonymous screen names was a good idea.
I don't hope you treat your girls like crap. I worry that you are teaching them to treat others that way.
As for the daycare thing, obviously not each one is good, as someone said earlier. Maybe the good ones are even rare.
Wow.
Up until today I thought that all working moms of young kids under 5 wanted to stay at home but had no choice.
I did not know there were actually moms who worked because they wanted to and didn't want to stay home.
Learn something new everyday.
to the SAHMs who have strong opinions about daycare:
Do you feel as strong about mother's day out programs (like in a church) or in home day care?
I agree that many daycare facilities are understaffed and overwhelmed. The idea of putting my child in one of those made feel really lousy, but that isn't true about all forms of childcare.
My kids go to a program at my church two days a week. I feel blessed to be able to work my part time job around those hours. I'm not saying this to defend myself because I have nothing to defend. I am telling you this to remind you that not everything is black and white and not all childcare is to the detriment of our children.
I will say it again -
Ask yourself what you can do for a working mom and do it! Make her family a meal, clean her house, do some laundry.
Ask yourself what you can do for the SAHM and do it! Take her kids for a few hours, take her out to lunch...
Just walk in love. Quit thinking about how you feel and think about others.
I think the SAHMs who are passionate about SAH are thinking of others, the children.
WOW!! I am gone on spring break for one week and this is what I get when I get home a ton of hot topics! I should have stayed home!!
I am a stay at home mom of four kids. I love it. I truly feel for the moms that have to work. I don't know any working moms that want to leave their kids and go to work. And how many SAHM's do more than just take care of their kids? We have a dairy and I have to help take care of that on top of our farm, house and kids! Every mother is, or should be, a working mom! Is that wrong? Should I sit on my rear and watch my kids only? I can't believe that we all (I'm supposing) go to church and we still act like this 'anonymously'! Shameful.
I would love to be a man somedays! Think of all the load that would be taken off my shoulders!
Stay at home moms need to support working moms. We are ALL Moms! Why do women always gang up against eachother like 2:20 #2 said?
I am thankful for the women doctors that are finding cures for cancer, for the women in politics paving the way for other women (unselfishly) and for the woman that delivered all my babies and kept them and me safe! Be thankful for the fact you can be a mother!!
Amen!
The mom that was hurt and crying, let me know where you work, I'll send you that Cherry Limeade w/ extra cherries!! I love those too ;)
I hope you plan to home school your kids, never take them to the doctor, not have that great female obgyn, never go to story time at the library... Because guess what lady, all of those people are working moms. And they love their kids too. And your life would be worse without them. Good SAHM moms (and there are so many) teach their kids to love other people.
I think stay at home moms spend way too much time on the computer: blog stalking, facebooking, twittering and trying to find something rude to say on 'anonymous truths', rather than tending to their children. From my experience, children of stay at home moms aren't very well behaved. There...how do you like that!
i'll be Po.
gotta go get a cherry limeade...
To 4:30 from 7:42 girl ------
I'm referring to up to age 4-5 - NOT the entire childhood and teenage years. I have no probs working when my kids are in elem school!
hey sarah, is this a record? way to go, girl!
So women are only allowed to work after their kids are 4? I've got news for you sweetie. If you think employers are lining up to take women back into the work force after they get their kids into school I regret to inform you that you are in for a rude awakening. It's a man's world and when the college tuition bills come I sincerely hope that your husband makes a lot of money. If he does that's great, lucky you. But if not you better have a plan B. If you're financially blessed and able to stay home that's wonderful but don't gripe at those of us who know that's not going to be an option.
for a lighthearted break, visit the Cake Wrecks blog. It is HI. LAR. I. OUS. And i think we could all use that!!
She's just got girls. No college necessary. (Meow!)
7:42 you should thank all the working moms (and dads)that are out there busting their butts and paying for you to be on welfare so you can sit at home!!
I love what 4:19 said! Do something for someone else, I love that :)
I was 4:28 and I'm going to sign mine
Mosey! (my dog :)
If this is how Christians treat each other, it is no wonder that the world won't treat us as credible witnesses.
Satan is sitting in his comfy chair, reveling in the hurtful things that have been said here today. I beg you all--please don't post your comment if it isn't something you would say to me in person! Please remember that Christ's commands on the use of our tongues also apply to the use of our keyboards!
Psalm 19:14 ~ "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."
Matthew 12:33-35 ~ "'Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? --For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.-- The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.'"
2 Corinthians 5:8-10 ~ "We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."
I love what 4:19 said! Do something for someone else, I love that :)
I was 4:28 and I'm going to sign mine
Mosey! (my dog :)
7:42 here -
I'm not on welfare but I don't judge people who are.
Again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feeling. Please accept my apology. I guess there must be some good daycares around after all.
Wow, some of you are very mean towards SAHM's! Esp 4:44....... I think the after 4 or 5 rule is great.
And, yes, I know of plenty of women who have gone back to work after staying home for years. I can name numerous ones.
When I got on here and read this question this morning I knew it was going to be ugly. I didn't leave any comments and now after 5pm I am reading them.
Growing up as a child I always knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mother.
I have stayed at home with my kids and have also worked. When I did work I was able to leave my child with a family member and it was only for a few days a week. I will say that I did enjoy that. It was nice to get out of the house and do something on my own.
I am once again a stay at home mother and I will say that it is the hardest of all jobs. I am doing what I feel like God has called me to do.
Some moms work, some moms work only in their homes. For me and family I will be a stay at home mother.
I have friends who are SAHM and I have friends that are working mothers. It's a personal choice and it certainly isn't something that you should be ugly and hateful to someone for.
I agree that people shouldn't be "ugly" or "hateful" towards other women. We moms judge each other way too much.
But, I think the reason why some women are so spiteful to others about this is because they almost view it like child abuse, in their eyes. (NO, IT IS DEFINITELY NOT CHILD ABUSE, i'm just sayiing that's what they view it as....)
So telling them to not be hateful about it is like telling someone to not be hateful about someone who molests there kids.
And, once again I'm not saying its like child abuse, I'm just saying that's why they act like that.
I think.
So called "stay at home moms" are so lazy!!! They are worse than working moms.
I would be the french fry girl at Burger King in the evenings before putting my kid in daycare. Just my own opinion. :) Of course, not all marriages could handle that kind of working schedule, but that's how I feel :)
I don't believe you for a second.
So to the poster who would go on welfare, what is your view toward all the women who are on welfare? My guess is that you judge them and don't like that your family's money goes to them. It is hard to believe that you defend them as making a good choice there.
5:20 that was inappropriate! I am a SAHM and I am so far from Lazy!! In the hour in between my posts, I have fed and bathed my kids, helped them with homework and now I am working on a parents as teachers bulletin for my kids' school. I would love to see some more mature comments.
5:18, it sounds like some view it that way. I am a sahm but in the recent months we had an emergency situation where our 1 year old had to go to daycare for a few months. I was scared to death of the 'unknown' I had never sent any of my 4 to daycare. He loved it and he had wonderful teachers that are now good friends of ours. I would send him in a heartbeat back to that daycare if I ever got the notion to get back into the workforce. And I wouldn't think twice about it!! I hate to think how horribly I would be judged for that though...
Mosey
I am a sahm who keeps kids. I don't think it counts as a true sahm. Yes, I'm with my kids all day, but they have a friend over ALL the time. I have a job, its just in my house. I'm here with my kids, but it isn't quality time.
I like working moms, I'm not the one judging.
Just didn't want anyone to think I think everyone should babysit. ; )
Come on, Ladies, let's continue to squabble until the comments reach over 100. That has to be an AT record.
Then we can say that we resolved our issues and worked together to reach a common goal.
i stay at home and let me tell you today I was wishing i could go to work. i often feel lonely and isolated. in fact, i think i would be a better mom if i had a job outsite the home a couple days a week. in a perfect world...
Wow, what a post. I too read the question and debated on even reading all the comments. I guess I have been niave for years as to what some people really think of working mothers.
I do work outside the home. I have a very stressful job and then I go home work as a wife and mommy. At the end of the day I am exhausted.
There have been many days that I have stayed home and some days that I have worked from home. I remember being exhausted at the end of those days too.
I've never had half of the thoughts that I've read here today. I can see how some would be hurtful to either group. I've just always thought that each family was/is doing what they need to do for their family at the time, understanding that situations change.
The comments that always bother me the most are these :
Why do people even have children if they are just going to pawn them off on someone else to raise.
WOW...
I love my child more than anything. Sure I wish that the situation was different, but it's not, so we decided to make the most of it.
I'm blessed to have a job outside the home that I do love. Of course, my favorite part of the day is only a few hours and that REALLY hurts sometimes... but it is what is and so we choose to make the most of it!
I would also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to do some trading with a SAHM.... We love anything with chicken, and sure, I'm free on Saturday morning!
Wow, stay at home mom's are lazy? I have a college degree and have worked outside of the home and I can tell you that I do more work staying at home than I ever did at the work place.
I'm not sitting on my butt watching soaps all day.
Face it, it's easier to work than to stay at home. I've done both.
And what do you consider the financial means that one must have to be able to stay at home? Most of the stay at home mom's I know are not wealthy people. They do not take luxury vacations, they have only decent cars that are a little more on the old side, they don't buy new clothes every week and going out to eat happens maybe once a month.
What are you willing to sacrifice to stay at home? Some people aren't willing to sacrifice anything, some people don't want to sacrifice anything.
If I choose to stay at home that does not make me lazy, far from it. If you choose to work it doesn't make you a bad mother.
Wow, 100 posts! This HAS to make the "most spirted questions" column!
I am the one who asked this question, I knew it was going to cause some discussion, I didn't want people to cry over it. :( I mainly just wanted to see how other people felt on the subjects.
For those sahm's who feel lonely and isolated, you should join a playgroup.... you can check out www.meetup.com or www.playgroupusa.com or www.cafemom.com. You can also just go hang out at the playground, go to storytime, etc.
A favorite quote of mine...
It's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're ignorant, than to open it and prove them right.
It seems that the only thing these comments have proven one way or the other is our ignorance of lives outside our own.
Being a sahm is tough.
Being a working mom is tough.
Face it...being a mom is tough!
I think that all moms are just trying to do what's best for their kids. Sure, maybe there are some working moms who are truly "pawning off their kids", but that is not the case for any working mom I have ever talked to.
I am fortunate to get to be a sahm, and I really can't imagine how tough it would be, both emotionally and physically, to work outside the home. I don't think being a good mom is as cut and dry as whether she works or stays home. There is so much more to being a good mom than just being home from 9-5.
One issue that I have is moms who are passionate about being home, but then once their children are in school feel it's okay to go back to work full time. I'm sorry, but my 8 year old needs me at home just as much as my 3 year old. Maybe even more so. Kids don't magically stop needing their parents once they go to kindergarten.
I agree with the pp about kids still needing mom when they are in school. That is is why I am staying home until they are graduated from high school.
What if we were in a time like during WWII where the workforce were depleted, and we had the rise of Rosie the Riveter? Would you judge you friends who left their role as SAHMs, or would you applaud their effort and join their ranks?
When I have ever said that "I am a better mom because I am not with them all day as they would have been strangled by now", it is not some literal confession. If it was, someone should have contacted local authorities by now. What I am saying is that what a SAHM mom does is incredibly hard work. They are the point person all day, whether they are watching a first, teaching a lesson or at the end of their rope. I am not sick of my children and would love to be with them all day. We have all said phrases that are meant to acknowledge a truth through jest. Also, please keep in mind that not everyone has the same instincts and capabilities and there are those that have to really work at being structured and creative. Being a SAHM would come more natural to some rather than others. My mom stayed at home but became increasingly depressed and it was hard on us, just as it was for her. Working was helpful to her and that translated to us. Maybe that can be read in different ways but I always knew I was loved and I am not sorry she had me.
i would hate to see what some of you think about my lifestyle...
Go ahead and tell us about your lifestyle. Open mind here.
Hey, 7:42 here. I have re-evaluated my opinion. I am a close-minded idiot. I apologize for how ignorant all my posts have been.
Going out to find a job today. Sorry if I offended anyone.
Um 8:46, I'm a 7:42...
You might want to make a visit with your psychiatrist. He/she will might need to re-evulate your meds and adjust the dosage.
Just kidding :) Have a great day ;)
I've never been to this blog. I want to keep coming back but I'm afraid its going to become an addiction!
I feel I must leave a comment even though everyone may be past this post.
I was a child who always wanted to be a SAH mom. When I did have my first child, I became depressed. I'm not sure it was postpartum...I am just a people person. I noticed myself on the computer emailing, blogging, on TV getting entertainment. Not that my child was boring but lets face it. Staring at a baby gets old (not to sound harsh). I would even do playdates, library, etc but just being at home was depressing at times. I crazily had more energy when I took up a PT job than when I was at home all day. I engaged and appreciated my kids more and kids do thrive and socially grow in mothers day out programs or inhome daycares (i prefer those). Even daycares...I'm POSITIVE there are good ones.
I also know people who get reallllllllllllllly sick during pregnancy in which they physically can't watch their kid all day long.
People saying "in EXTREME cases" should realize there are cases that aren't so noticably "EXTREME" but are still very much doing what is right for their family.
It is all about balance and quality. I believe some SAH moms can actually love on and teach their kids less than working moms. It is possible (it was me). If you work...just make sure you come home and love on your child, play games, and do everything you can to let them know you care. THey will turn out just fine! I'm the opposite. Now that my kids are older, I am able to sAH full time and enjoy it!
Lastly, you should never CHOOSE welfare. It's not there for that. It's there if you need it for a while to get by but you should be looking for a job during that time!
Oh wait...to those of you who had awful experiences at daycares. I'm sorry. I was molested at church...does that mean all churches are bad and I shouldn't go?
I am not a blogger person, but I have a sister who is and told me about this (so I had to read). I have to agree with what many people have said, "Do what works best for your family".
But please don't get on welfare to stay home, we have enough people to pay for already on the program, get a job and set an example for your child/children.
Hey, Going Out to Find a Job Today, do you need any character references? You could always refer employers to your remarks here.
To my fellow homemakers: Don't try to argue with moms who purposely put their kids in Daycare. They are arguing out of guilt becuase they know what they are doing is wrong and are trying to defend it. Be confident knowng that you are doing what is right. Don't let it get you down when people think you are lazy, wasting your education, or this is some rich person's luxury (yeah, right). Be thankful that your kids are having a mom who is willing to sacrifice to stay at home and take care of them!
SAHMoms who pass judgement on those who work need to broaden their narrow perspectives on life. To all of you Christians out there, the Bible is silent on this subject and allows us to make our own choices in regard to working.
Aril 25, 3:36
you must be some kind of genius if you are so blind that you can't see that there are sacrifices in both cases.
Actually, the bible does speak of working mothers! Proverbs 31:10-31is about a woman who is praised for all she does. She works with eager hands, she plants a vineyard, she sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong, she makes linen garments and sells them, she watches over household affairs, etc. She was very much working.
I honestly don't see a difference between working from home and working outside. If you are busy making garments, working in your garden and selling your produce,cleaning your house, doing laundry, you are taking time away from your kids! Which is fine by the way! There is no such thing as someone engaging their kids from 8am-9pm non-stop. If you put in a movie and go scrapbook for an hour. Then later on put them down for nap/quite time for two hours, and then have them play outside while you just sit and watch for an hour, then send them in their room to play while you clean the kitchen, well they might as well have spent 5 hours at a daycare!
I'm a stay at home mom too!! If I were to be completely honest, I probably spend just a few hours of hands on time with them each day. That could easily be accomplished by working moms as well. My kids may know where stuff is located at walmart more so than daycare kids, but they may know how to share and take turns more so than mine, not to mention many go over a lot of educational curriculum as well.
Here is an interesting article: http://www.drlaurablog.com/2009/12/02/a-letter-from-a-former-stupid-parent/
WOW - I wished I hadn't looked at the "most spirited questions"...I am disappointed that any mother would presume to know the heart of another mother.
I am a wife, a mother, and I work full-time. Don't judge my heart!
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