Thursday, May 28, 2009

Do you still encounter bullies as an adult? If so, do you think they are easier to stand up to now or was it easier as a child and why?

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe not quite so mean as childhood bullies, but still pretty .... un-kind people...

I think, at least among women, gossip is the bully technique..... or, that's at least my personal opinion!

Anonymous said...

The bullies I encounter as an adult take on a different form than when I was a kid.

They used to pull my hair or threaten me. Now it seems more subtle like talking about me but not to me, side glances with a disapproving expression, making friends choose them over someone else.

I think the behavior is different but the desired outcome is the same-make them feel/look good, everyone else look bad.

Anonymous said...

I think the behavior is different but the desired outcome is the same-make them feel/look good, everyone else look bad.Very true.

I usually don't take bullies personally because I think they probably have their own mental-health issues.

Anonymous said...

Yes and Yes. I let people walk over me in high school and was miserable. I have a voice and the confidence to use it now.

Anonymous said...

I think I'm my own worst bully. I need some good confidence. I do think people would be considered "bullies" just by being cliquey and gossipy. Which I'm not sure if people know that gossiping can have good or no intentions. "Bless her dear soul, she_____" is gossip. "Can you pray for my friend, I think she is_____" is gossip. Ask permission before saying anything if it really is of good intention. If you just THINK something, go to the person and ask THEM, not someone else, you can spread rumors that way.

Anonymous said...

Yes. They are harder to stand up to today bc they are everywhere!

I find that most people I meet are 'bullies' anymore. Looking out for only themselves anymore.

That guy circling the parking lot for that parking space up front that I am waiting on. If he can come in from another angle, he thinks he can get it first!?! Sorry, just happened.

My kids' teachers just trying to get volunteers, but instead forces you into something!

The other mom with the nicer car who thinks she deserves to be first in car rider line, Every Day!

Yes, I encounter bullies of some sort every day, but what do you say, most of it is piddly stuff and doesn't hurt anyone. I just act like the bigger person and move on. I think it was way easier to stand up as a kid though. Now, you have to deal with these people every day and there is no time out to think about it and no teacher to referee. Oh, it's just ON!

Anonymous said...

I don't think I deal with bullies much as an adult.

Anonymous said...

I encounter someone on a regular basis that I feel falls into the category of bully. She's very vocal about her opinion...to a point that I have noticed that most people are afraid to speak out against her and it bothers me. By her actions, she controls the people around her. If you make her mad, you get the silent treatment and get talked about behind your back. I'll admit that I even have been known to back down when I haven't agreed with her because I am so non-confrontational. I don't have the fear of being physically beat up by bullies like I did as a child, but as an adult, I find that I'm afraid of being emotionally beat up. And this is only one example of a bully a encounter. There is another that uses tears and manipulation to get what she wants.

I know that it is usually a case of low self-esteem on their part, but still it's hard to watch someone like that throw their weight around and manipulate others to comply with their wishes...even though I know in their mind, that is not what they are doing at all.

Anonymous said...

I really don't want to get off the subject here, but I'm curious how everyone defines gossip.

I know someone that believes it's not gossip if it's true and you would tell the person to their face.

To me, sharing something about another person to a third party when it is none of their business is gossip.

And I'm not going to pretend that I have never been guilty of gossip. I try not to, but some times I say things that after they are out of my mouth, I realize that I should not have shared that. But I KNOW I shouldn't have said it and feel guilty about it.

Anonymous said...

11:38 - I agree with you. And, if you feel guilty, make amends and apologize. You'll feel better!

Anonymous said...

Gossip? Everyone knows this one. If you say it about me, it's gossip. If I say it about you, it's "sharing."

Anonymous said...

11:28, do we know the same person :) We disagreed about something to do with befriending nonchristians. I think it's great, they see our life and want to become Christians. She disagreed, and thinks your circle of friends should only include other Christians. She went so far as to NOT pass us the Communion at church bc of this!?! She actually took hers, turned her back to us and then handed it back. They had to come back to our side so we could take of it! Like the silent treatment and dirty looks weren't bad enough! She thinks She is the Law! Then one day, she just got over it, out of the blue! She wants to be bestfriends again and blamed it on PMS!?!

As far as gossip goes. I talk to my hubby about EVERYTHING and I don't feel that is gossip. Anything bad that you don't want repeated or wouldn't say to their face is bad! Saying nice things, I don't take offense to that. Talk about me all you want, just make sure it's nice ;)

Anonymous said...

I've encountered them at work. One especially who can be really hateful - but one day I pushed back and she has been very kind to ever since. In adult land I think if you let someone know you are not taking it - they back off.

There is gossip and then there is the "gospel truth". :)