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This is an experiment to see how honest people can be if they don't have to identify themselves. Some silly, some deep, but all require honesty.
Read this first.
Have a burning question?
Most of these questions are now submitted. Please feel free to submit your question and see how others feel. Email me here with a subject line of "Anonymous Truth"
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11 comments:
Let's say you are in a relationship, married or engaged, and you start to have strong feelings for someone else. Is it ever a good idea to tell the person how you feel about them? Is it a good idea to tell your partner that you have these feelings for someone else?
NO, bad idea. I am all for honesty, but that would be inapproiate to tell someone else that you have feelings for them and hurtful to your spouse. If it is something more than just "feelings", then of course you need to tell your spouse. Now don't get me wrong, it is sinful to lust after another person, and they should confess that sin and ask for forgiveness, but I would rather they confess that sin to their guy spiritual accountability partner then tell me every time they lusted towards someone.
I say you keep it to yourself and avoid that person.
I would keep it to myself. What if the feelings for the other person pass?
I agree with the other, if it is just 'feelings' then keep it to yourself. However, you really need to look at yourself and your relationship. If you are having feelings for another person there must be something else going on that you need to take care of.
Engaged or dating, yes, you should tell the person you are dating/engaged to. You probably shouldn't marry the person. As for telling the person how you feel, probably at least several months after you break up with your partner.
If you are already married NO YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER TELL HIM or HER. It will only cause pain. Nothing good will come out of it. If you think you need to work on your marriage, just say "I think we need to work on our marriage" but don't reveal the feelings. EVER.
The right thing to do, especially if you're married, is to remember your vows and stay as far away as possible from the person you have these strong feelings for.
The question's useless. If you're honorable in your relationships, this won't even be an issue. It's called self-control. Plus, in the light of marriage vows, "feelings" for someone else don't matter.
11:38~ Thanks for reminding me that there are still some nearly perfect moral people who don't struggle with sin and temptation like the rest of us. It's great that you have always been able to keep ALL of your vows perfectly, ALL of the time. I also admire the way you never seem to allow your "feelings" to control you. Wow! You must be spritual giant. I bet if we all had the amount of self-control you have that all of our marriages would be great. Thanks for all of your help with this issue. Thanks too for reminding us that if we have a legitimate stuggle and feel the need to be judged by
self-righteous people,that all we need to do is share our struggle on this blog. As for me, I'll try to be more honorable like you, and come up with more "useful" questions in the future.
If you are married, I don't think it's ever a good idea to tell the person because that could easily go down the road of an emotional affair and then physical affair. Try and stop thinking about this person. Limit your ability to see or talk to them.
I wouldn't tell my husband or it would just hurt him and do no good. If you crossed the line and were inappriopriate, I think you should tell your spouse and ask for forgiveness. Otherwise, just share this with a close friend and they can keep you accountable.
For me, I have noticed I don't think about others when my husband and I are doing well. So counseling, or just spending more quality time together may help. Good luck. I've been there.
If you are engaged and having strong feelings for someone else, you need to break the engagement or decide that you do not want the new person. You can't go into a marriage with conflicted feelings/thoughts like that, because there will always be that in your mind.
If you are married and having strong feelings for someone else, that IS an emotional affair and you need to get help.
Do your very best to work on your marriage and get help from a mft who shares your world view.
Oh, and 11:59, your sarcasm is revolting. I am not a previous poster on this question.
If you don't like what that person said, say that. Say what you mean without being mean. It will probably make you feel a lot better.
11:59, sound like you struggle with this one, and you've gotten a little defensive. I didn't say that I never struggled or that I was nearly perfect in my morality.
What I did was suggest strategies for how to deal with the parameters of the question. I my opinion, the question is flawed at it's assumption, that people can't help how they feel. What, we're so not in control of ourselves that we must be swept away by our feelings? The truly honorable thing to do is cut contact before it gets to the point of having to decide about telling this to your significant other. Otherwise, your vows, your word, your commitments mean nothing.
So remember YOUR promises to your spouse or fiance, and stay away from the person you have strong feelings for.
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