Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Porn is to him what a pedicure is to you
Some people take an alarmist point of view when it comes to porn, but oftentimes there's nothing to worry about, says sex therapist Ian Kerner. It's just your man's 30-second version of a spa day — with a happy ending.
What are your thoughts on this "Today Show" headline?
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23 comments:
Honestly, I think it may be true for some guys. But my husband has a borderline sex addiction so it's a pretty big deal in our house.
Men are lusting after another woman when they are looking at porn, I don't see that can NOT be a problem for those who are Christian.
I see it as lust! As the wife of a recovering sex addict I feel I should say this is nothing to take lightly. I think if people knew my husband had an addiction to porn they would see him as some sort of predator. I'm just glad my husband was willing to get help and has been "sober" for more than a year. It's nothing we did on our own, but completely with help from God counseling and a place called Bethesda!
I think women who say it's no big deal are kidding themselves. It's easier to deny that your husband enjoys looking at other women than accept the reality of how you really feel, the pain of feeling it's somehow your fault. I just hope you all know it's NOT your fault and likely has nothing to do with you.
I agree I used to think it wasnt a problem but once stepping out of denial I was able to see that it caused alot of hurt and anger that was not my fault!!! it is wrong the bible says so!!
If you never take a drink, you will never be an alcoholic.
If you never try drugs you will never be a drug addict.
The same could be true for porn. If you never see it you won't be an addict.
I think it is a serious problem and people need to get their head out of the sand including therapists.
If anyone has ever seen the hurt and devastation that a porn addiction can cause families, then you know it's not okay. I have seen firsthand what this devastation can mean to a family. It can (not always, but many times) lead to affairs, and other illicit sexual activity.
I heard it said one that porn is like a glass of wine that you can enjoy without being an alcoholic. I think it would be more wise to say it's like trying meth. It's dangerous.
7:56, I could not agree with you more.
I think it depends on the severity of the porn. If he does it on a regular basis and it interferes with his family life then he needs help. If it happens every once and a while and it does not cause any friction with his wife then let him watch it.
Men don't have to look at porn to lust.
There are many catagories/types of sexual addictions.
Any can and do cause a great deal of pain to the spouse & family.
The addiction can take control over a life. It's a daily battle for those that live with it. Get the help you need.
Porn is more than a pedicure.
We should be alarmed by it.
Porn is like a pedicure??! What?!
Objectification of women is like getting your nails done?
Looking outside the bounds of marriage for sexual gratification is like exfoliating that ashy skin?
Committing adultery in your heart, or cheating on your spouse with a magazine or movie is like choosing just the right shade of polish?
Gimme a break.
This is Ian Kerner wanting to justify porn in his own life, if you ask me.
10:28
Amen.
My first thoughts "sick, sick, sick!"
why is everyone saying if a man does this if a man does that... I know lots of women who stuggle with looking at porn too!!! and no Im not a man... it started out as looking at porn to see what he had been looking at then it was if he can so can I and now it is a struggle that i face almost every day so why does everyone think that only men can have a porn addiction???
I think that we are saying "man" cause of the question that was asked today is about males.
Yes woman can have addictions to porn. Woman are also human.
I am woman and think I can look at it and not lust. I may be crazy though. Feel free to pray for me :)
I don't understand the whole lusting concept actually. I can look at something and laugh at how nasty it looks! I can look and think hmm we should try that. I can also be sitting reading AT blog and wish I was screwing my brother in law.
If you are dealing with this addiction (looking at something in order to get off and get a high that keeps you away from reality for a brief moment), it is VERY wrong to look at it. If you aren't, I'm not saying it is wise, but I'm not convinced it's wrong. I don't feel like I'm sinning when I'm doing it. I don't feel like I'm sinning when I pull out the vibrator- while watching America's Got Talent and without lusting over some guy!
I do feel I'm sinning when I let my obsessive thoughts of being unsatisfied consumed me. When I dream and wish I could just go have meaningless sex with a stranger. I think it is more of an uncontrolled mind and not the actual act of what you are doing. I can look at something and be fine, I can be cooking speghetti and be not fine!
Hey 11:53- Just curious...do you attend church regularly?
I think that some romance novels can be considered "porn" for women.
What do you consider 'porn'? Is it only bad if your are looking in private? I think alot of the movies now have pornography in them. Are people who watch those movies watching 'porn'? I guess it depends on the viewer and what they can handle. Some people who have tendencies can be triggered by the slightest thing. So cover up your cleavage especially at church, good grief! and make it a little easier or those that may be weak in this area. Don't intentionally be a stumbling block ladies!
1:00 - yep. Very active and have taught some of your children. What are your thoughts about this?
As long as you’re not cooking spaghetti with them I guess it’s ok.
Seriously though, are you married? If you are what do you think it is about your marriage that leads to you want to be with others sexually? How long have you been married? Do you think this is your husband’s issue or your issue? I am not trying to be judgmental. Just trying to honestly understand.
Ha, I didn't mean your thoughts about me teaching your children, but funny comment!
I was just sincerely interested in knowing your thoughts. Yes Christian, yes married with kids, and yes thinks it's okay to look at porn very randomly when I'm bored and want to laugh at something.
I wonder who's issue it is also. I know I have an issue, but I also know it isn't as big a problem when my husband is home more, nice to me, seems to care about me, helps out around the house, etc.
Am I the only crazy one here? Has no one else been consumed with fantasies before? Sometimes its not there at all. Sometimes it's the only thing I think about.
My spouse and I are the objects of each other's fantasies. Invent fantasy with spouse, get off on telling each other about it. It's fuuuuuun. Legal and acceptable, too, since our desire is for each other, and not some plastic airbrushed stranger in a film or photo, or someone else that we know or have known. When we have a sexy dream or daydream alone, that gets communicated too. We've actually tried some of those fantasies instead of just talking about them. Ess ee ecks ecks wyy!
That is very hard to do when you don't really even like each other anymore.
So true, 1200. my heart goes out to you.
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