It takes a lot of courage to admit that you've had an affair. May I ask why and how the affair happened? Was it dissatisfaction with your marriage? Just attraction to someone else? How and why did it end?
My affair was a result of dissatisfaction, unmet expectations, and a genuine frustration over my husband's refusal to go to counseling or change his ways. I felt desperate and trapped.
An attractive, kind and witty colleague expressed interest in me and things evolved from there.
The affair finally ended a year later because I could no longer go on cheating on my spouse and deceiving those around me. I couldn't even pray anymore -- my relationship with the Lord had dwindled to nothing.
I chose to reveal the affair to my spouse, and oddly enough, it snapped him to attention and our marriage has been MUCH better since then.
It is my secret because no one else knows about the affair outside of my marriage (and my ex affair partner). I will always feel grieved over it because I made such a poor decision. Plenty of unhappy spouses choose not to cheat. I took the cowardly way out and it caused nothing but worse pain than I was already dealing with.
for all of you who are hurting, Jesus loves you, and He will forgive all of our transgressions. the devil is the one who whispers in your ear that you are guilty, that you are hopeless. do not forget the POWER of the ONE who lives in you. Jesus loves you. He forgives and He forgets. i tried to write my secret, and i could not get it to publish, No Kidding. it is gone.
For those of you who had affairs, would you mind sharing how and why the affair ended? What happened to the person you had the affair with? Are they still in your life?Did you tell your husband? What did you do to make the marriage work?
Wow, I am amazed at the number of people that have had affairs. That is my big secret as well. I never in a million years would have imagined that so many other women were harboring that same secret. My affair lasted approx 2 years. I am a Christian woman. In fact, I go to church with many of you. I never in a million years would have ever thought myself capable of what I have done. It was a very slippery-slope, and took control of me before I knew what had happened. At the time, it felt amazing. I was in love with him. It took a very long time to get him out of my life. I still miss him at times, but my life is so much beter now! I will never stop regretting what I did.
It really is amazing how many other women have had affairs - I don't feel quite so alone. Mine ended because it just had to. Neither one of us wanted to leave our families, and so we just had to let go. I think he is doing fine and still with his wife. But I haven't talked to him in over a year. And no, I never told my husband. If he asked, i probably wouldn't lie, though. And as for making the marriage work, I am just trying my best every day to be a good wife and not focus on my husband's shortcomings, just his strengths. It does help our relationship.
I appreciate the honesty of the posters. I have been on the edge of an affair for some time. It is getting harder and harder to resist. The candid nature and willingness to share your hurt helps me overcome the temptation. I know the decision that is right, but removing myself from the situation and emotion are difficult.
#19 is correct. Thank you for the thought. There really are no secrets. God waits and longs to offer forgiveness. All i have to do is take it from him and release the burden. It is good to serve such a gracious, loving, and merciful God, AMEN???
my affair lasted for two months. it really felt amazing at the time. then it just got really time consuming. I never had sex with him. just kissing and petting. i finally ended it because it was too hard to continue, or maybe we both just decided it was over.
the only way i knew how to end it was by telling my husband. i do miss him sometimes, but most of the time i am just glad it is over and that i am still married to my husband, who was really great through the whole thing. i never wanted to leave my husband. i was just really selfish.
my advice to anyone thinking about an affair is that if you don't talk to your spouse today, it is probably going to happen. i wish i had been honest about my feelings before things got out of hand.
I am also curious about other women and attracted to them at times...I'll never act on it, however, I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be w/ a woman...it's not a sex thing though...more of a desire of a companionship that is more than friends, weird I know...I have only told one other person...interestingly, she has had the same thoughts! (not about me ;) and yes, I am married w/ children and I am a Christian.
Can I just give you women who have had or contemplated an affair a site of advice... www.bethesdaworkshops.org It's a great place for healing, and it helps you get to the root of the affair. It's well worth the money. There's also a healing workshop for your spouse.
My affair started faster than I could have imagined. As to why it happened, I have no idea. I was in love with my husband. Did not have sex with my husband until we were married. Was very active in church... That is what was so scary about the whole situation. I guess I got too comfortable, and underestimated the threat of the "real world". I was never the prettiest girl in high-school or college. Never had a ton of self-confidence. Never dated the star of the football-team. You catch my drift. I'm not complaining, I am just trying to set the stage of how I fell "prey". In the midst of my perfect and pure life, I caught the attention of a very "important", "successful", "wealthy" man. I couldn't believe that someone as "unimportant" as me could have caught his attention. It was like an addiction. No matter how much I didn't want this to happen, it barreled over me before I could stop it. I felt like he "needed" me. He "loved" me and said that he couldn't imagine life without me. Ugh!! I cannot believe I was so naive. I now know that I was not the first, nor the last. Now that I am so far removed from the situation, I really feel like I was "preyed" upon. I feel like these people seek out the vulnerable and totally take advantage of them. It totally turned my world upside down and I am just now beginning to enjoy my life again. The damage that I did to my husband and my marraige cannot be undone. My advice to those that say they are on the edge of an affair, "run away". Quickly. And don't ever look back.
I have had sex with other women (3)and my husband knows and was their but I still fill like it was a affair. I also don't think that I could stop it if a woman asked I think I would do it again.
I was sexually abused as a child Also, sex in marriage is less that great. I want to have an affair just to get some excitement from it instead of it being a chore. Sad, I know.
When I was in college I worked as an escort. It only happened a few times and it was because of my financial situation. My husband doesn't know. We're committed members of the church, and I'm terrified that someone will find out. I hate myself every time I think about it.
Most of these questions are now submitted. Please feel free to submit your question and see how others feel. Email me here with a subject line of "Anonymous Truth"
31 comments:
I have had an affair.
i have cheated on my spouse
We are seriously behind on our taxes.
I'm have mental health problems. I don't think anyone knows.
I steal.
what do you steal and who from?
I had an affair also. It was many years ago.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that you've had an affair. May I ask why and how the affair happened? Was it dissatisfaction with your marriage? Just attraction to someone else?
How and why did it end?
My affair was a result of dissatisfaction, unmet expectations, and a genuine frustration over my husband's refusal to go to counseling or change his ways. I felt desperate and trapped.
An attractive, kind and witty colleague expressed interest in me and things evolved from there.
The affair finally ended a year later because I could no longer go on cheating on my spouse and deceiving those around me. I couldn't even pray anymore -- my relationship with the Lord had dwindled to nothing.
I chose to reveal the affair to my spouse, and oddly enough, it snapped him to attention and our marriage has been MUCH better since then.
It is my secret because no one else knows about the affair outside of my marriage (and my ex affair partner). I will always feel grieved over it because I made such a poor decision. Plenty of unhappy spouses choose not to cheat. I took the cowardly way out and it caused nothing but worse pain than I was already dealing with.
I don't think our child is my husband's.
I lie. I don't really mean to I do it to avoid conflict and hurting people.
I have been on anti-depressants but it's not a HUGE secret. Just one I don't tell many people.
I was sexually abused as a child by a friends dad.
I'm often attracted to other women.
Last poster,
Are you male or female?
In what way are you attracted?
I fear my spouse is a homosexual.
I had an abortion when I was 17
for all of you who are hurting, Jesus loves you, and He will forgive all of our transgressions. the devil is the one who whispers in your ear that you are guilty, that you are hopeless. do not forget the POWER of the ONE who lives in you. Jesus loves you. He forgives and He forgets. i tried to write my secret, and i could not get it to publish, No Kidding. it is gone.
i also cheated on my husband. it was 4 years ago and we have worked through it, but sometimes it still affects ours marriage.
For those of you who had affairs, would you mind sharing how and why the affair ended? What happened to the person you had the affair with? Are they still in your life?Did you tell your husband? What did you do to make the marriage work?
Wow, I am amazed at the number of people that have had affairs. That is my big secret as well. I never in a million years would have imagined that so many other women were harboring that same secret. My affair lasted approx 2 years. I am a Christian woman. In fact, I go to church with many of you. I never in a million years would have ever thought myself capable of what I have done. It was a very slippery-slope, and took control of me before I knew what had happened. At the time, it felt amazing. I was in love with him. It took a very long time to get him out of my life. I still miss him at times, but my life is so much beter now! I will never stop regretting what I did.
It really is amazing how many other women have had affairs - I don't feel quite so alone. Mine ended because it just had to. Neither one of us wanted to leave our families, and so we just had to let go. I think he is doing fine and still with his wife. But I haven't talked to him in over a year. And no, I never told my husband. If he asked, i probably wouldn't lie, though. And as for making the marriage work, I am just trying my best every day to be a good wife and not focus on my husband's shortcomings, just his strengths. It does help our relationship.
I appreciate the honesty of the posters. I have been on the edge of an affair for some time. It is getting harder and harder to resist. The candid nature and willingness to share your hurt helps me overcome the temptation. I know the decision that is right, but removing myself from the situation and emotion are difficult.
#19 is correct. Thank you for the thought. There really are no secrets. God waits and longs to offer forgiveness. All i have to do is take it from him and release the burden. It is good to serve such a gracious, loving, and merciful God, AMEN???
my affair lasted for two months. it really felt amazing at the time. then it just got really time consuming. I never had sex with him. just kissing and petting. i finally ended it because it was too hard to continue, or maybe we both just decided it was over.
the only way i knew how to end it was by telling my husband. i do miss him sometimes, but most of the time i am just glad it is over and that i am still married to my husband, who was really great through the whole thing. i never wanted to leave my husband. i was just really selfish.
my advice to anyone thinking about an affair is that if you don't talk to your spouse today, it is probably going to happen. i wish i had been honest about my feelings before things got out of hand.
I am also curious about other women and attracted to them at times...I'll never act on it, however, I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be w/ a woman...it's not a sex thing though...more of a desire of a companionship that is more than friends, weird I know...I have only told one other person...interestingly, she has had the same thoughts! (not about me ;) and yes, I am married w/ children and I am a Christian.
Can I just give you women who have had or contemplated an affair a site of advice...
www.bethesdaworkshops.org
It's a great place for healing, and it helps you get to the root of the affair. It's well worth the money. There's also a healing workshop for your spouse.
My affair started faster than I could have imagined. As to why it happened, I have no idea. I was in love with my husband. Did not have sex with my husband until we were married. Was very active in church...
That is what was so scary about the whole situation. I guess I got too comfortable, and underestimated the threat of the "real world".
I was never the prettiest girl in high-school or college. Never had a ton of self-confidence. Never dated the star of the football-team. You catch my drift. I'm not complaining, I am just trying to set the stage of how I fell "prey".
In the midst of my perfect and pure life, I caught the attention of a very "important", "successful", "wealthy" man. I couldn't believe that someone as "unimportant" as me could have caught his attention. It was like an addiction. No matter how much I didn't want this to happen, it barreled over me before I could stop it. I felt like he "needed" me. He "loved" me and said that he couldn't imagine life without me.
Ugh!! I cannot believe I was so naive. I now know that I was not the first, nor the last. Now that I am so far removed from the situation, I really feel like I was "preyed" upon. I feel like these people seek out the vulnerable and totally take advantage of them. It totally turned my world upside down and I am just now beginning to enjoy my life again. The damage that I did to my husband and my marraige cannot be undone.
My advice to those that say they are on the edge of an affair, "run away". Quickly. And don't ever look back.
I have had sex with other women (3)and my husband knows and was their but I still fill like it was a affair. I also don't think that I could stop it if a woman asked I think I would do it again.
I was sexually abused as a child Also, sex in marriage is less that great. I want to have an affair just to get some excitement from it instead of it being a chore. Sad, I know.
When I was in college I worked as an escort. It only happened a few times and it was because of my financial situation. My husband doesn't know. We're committed members of the church, and I'm terrified that someone will find out. I hate myself every time I think about it.
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